The Call That Changed Everything
January 22nd, 2025.
"She fell."
The words barely registered as I tried to shake off the disorientation of sleep. It was almost midnight in my time zone, and I struggled to make sense of what was happening. I tried to process what was said as I was half disoriented from waking up.
"What?" I asked, my brain slowly catching up to my ears. The caller ID showed my aunt’s name—but it wasn’t her voice.
"She fell, and we found out she has blood clots in her lungs."
I shot up in bed, fully alert now. Confusion wasn’t a strong enough word for what I felt. Shock? Disbelief? I had just talked to her earlier.
"What do you mean she fell? What is happening?"
Things started to move in slow motion as I was trying to process what was happening. Not her. I had been worried about her for weeks…weeks! And the gnawing feeling wouldn’t ever leave me but I chalked it up to maybe being paranoid due to the inclement weather. But I knew deep down inside that there was more to it, I just couldn’t compute exactly what.
"Where is she now?"
I asked in a panic. I wasn’t getting answers fast enough. I was telling myself that it wasn’t that bad and that she would wake up and eventually be okay but deep down I felt as if that was my own coping mechanism to keep my heart in denial and afloat. It was sinking by the second.
They told me she was in the ICU but stable at a nearby hospital. That word gave me a tiny sliver of hope, but something still felt wrong. I would find out that was the opposite and she was far from stable. Hearing those words at that time gave me a little consolation but something still didn’t feel right to me. I’m feeling dizzy pacing back and forth, and my fiance’s look of worry is increasing by the minute. I know he wants to know what is going on but the lump in my throat is barely allowing me to speak.
My fiancé, watched me with growing concern as I paced the room. I turned to him, my throat tight. "She’s in the hospital," I choked out, reaching for my phone again. I needed to call my mother.I turned to him, my throat tight. "She’s in the hospital," I choked out, reaching for my phone again. I needed to call my mother.
"I’m on my way," my mother said, with no hesitation in her voice.
Nita, please be okay. This woman is my everything, my rock and my other mom. Something happening to her is not fathomable, not in this world, not ever, not now. It can’t be. I just spoke to her. We were talking about the snow not even 5 hours ago, what happened between then and now? And why was I just now hearing this information?
I would not have the answers to any of these questions any time soon. A call to the hospital made my anxiety skyrocket to 200%. She couldn’t be found in the system for whatever reason as she was under an alias and the young sounding man at the nurses station was refusing to give me information. Luckily I had a code that was shared to me that I gave to him. Regardless, not much help was given so I decided to take my chances later.
“You need to get down here.” I could hear the urgency and worry in my mother’s voice while saying this. Perhaps my denial and coping wasn’t allowing me to fully process this as something urgent and immediate.
She will be okay. She will be okay. I kept repeating this to myself over and over again. I wanted to access the situation first to see what the facts actually were. I knew that she fell, yes but last I heard she was “stable” so she was surely going to wake up soon…right? A trip on ice doesn’t cause someone to remain unconscious for long. At least those are the pieces I was trying to put together at that moment in time.
After I hung up with my mother, I decided to try my luck again and call the nurses station. I got a lady this time.
“I’d like to get information about a patient there, I am her niece.” As I said this, I was fighting to come off as calm even though I was terrified inside. At first she was hesitant but after I gave her more information and the code that she needed, this is where my world started to tumble down into pieces one by one. An avalanche of dread came over me from speaking to this lady.
“She’s not doing so well. She’s very sick and her blood pressure is low…” The more she said the more I became in a daze.
This isn’t happening. With every word she said, the news just got worse and worse. How did this happen so fast? How? I just talked to her. From learning she had Covid to her having blood clots in her lungs and now her being on a ventilator. This wasn’t Nita. It couldn’t be. Not my Nita. I can still hear her sweet voice in my ear calling me my childhood nickname, “Pooh.” I of course couldn’t sleep that night. All I was thinking about was getting to her and being next to her. In my mind, I had convinced myself and maybe overly hopefully she would wake up and be okay. I just knew she would be okay.
However, each time I talked to the nurses and doctors, the worse the news got. It still wasn’t fathomable or believable for this to happen. I had to have been in some sort of nightmare. I’ll be honest, it’s been hard for me to write this recount of what happened. Mainly because this is a very tough day for me to relive. I didn’t WANT to believe that she wouldn’t be okay. I prayed, screamed, begged, cried, called out to God to let her be okay but that sinking feeling wouldn’t leave me. The reality. The truth. With every minute that passed, I knew that this was not good. She was sick. How sick? I had no idea. I just talked to her.
My mother put me on speaker and held the phone next to her ear and I spoke to her. I told her that I was coming to see her. I knew she could hear me. I prayed to God to allow me to see her, even if it’s for the very last time.
“I’m coming Nita. Hold on.” and since I had talked to her, her blood pressure had gotten more stable according to the nurses. Despite her being in her fragile state. That night, I packed in a daze. I still couldn’t process what was happening. My fiance took off work to be by my side. I was a wreck and could barely function or comprehend what was happening. I still couldn’t fathom this reality. This gut punch.
On the way to Kansas City, I saw what I think was an angel in the cloud. It was something I had never seen before. I saw it right after I was crying and praying for Nita to be okay until I could land. It was comforting, yet ominous seeing this orb in the sky. Even at this time, I didn’t want to come to grips with reality.
When I arrived I immediately went to the hospital. There she was, only it wasn’t her. That wasn’t the Nita I was used to seeing. She was hooked up to machines and barely holding on. Her sweet voice was absent as she remained unconscious. She was hanging on by a thread and I was responsible for the next moves that were about to take place.
An hour or so passed, and my close family came as the doctors had a conversation with me.
“These are the options you have.” He laid it all out to me. Her body was deteriorating, it was at the point of no return and I had to make a decision. A decision that was going to be best for HER. He told me that the first option was to let her stay on the machines, but fluid would build up in her lungs making her uncomfortable and eventually passing. The next was dialysis, which sounded extremely painful even with recovery. They told me that she could possibly die in the process of dialysis and it would be an extremely painful experience for her with the tubes going down her throat.
The next option was…letting her be. Making her comfortable. As he was laying all this out to me, it was literally like what you see in the movies. The person is talking in slow motion, everything fades out to the point where you are hearing what they are saying but it sounds so hollow. It’s as if the room is closing in. It’s suffocating. You don’t hear anything but the sound of your heartbeat.
It was at that point that I had to make the hardest most selfless decision I ever had to make in my entire life. Let her go. I know they say “no choice is the bad choice” but I feel like this was the right choice. She lived her life serving and making sure others were okay. I had to do this honor for her. What good would it do having her be on this earth as a vegetable? She didn’t deserve that. She entrusted this to me for a reason.
So I did what my duty was to do. I sent her off playing her favorite musical Sound of Music. She used to tell me it’s the “very very very best movie in the whole whole wide world.” I played the soundtrack and connected it to my Bose. I took it with me because I knew she would love hearing it.
It was nothing short of a beautiful send off. I had my father and my best friend by my side and I wouldn’t change it for the world. We sang, we cried, we danced. I held her hand and watched as she took her last breath. I gave her one last kiss goodbye.
As I am writing this, the tears don’t stop flowing. I don’t know if there will ever be a time where I think of her and not cry somewhat. Something in me switched that day and I feel like it’s my duty to live on her legacy. And her legacy is built on love. Anita loved with all her power and soul. She loved me unconditionally. It was the type of love that transcends all realities and realms. She left me heir to a lot of her things and I feel her presence and love even as she has transitioned.
I say this to say, from this point moving forward something changed in me that never switched back. I feel like how Spider-man felt on No Way Home when he lost Aunt May. I know that I am meant for great things and that I am meant to make a mark on this world while helping people in the process. “With great power comes great responsibility” never rang so true for me until that moment. Grief is ongoing, it never ends. But we are in control with how we handle it.
Many of us are just surviving and not LIVING or fulfilling our purpose. I know that is not what she would want for me. That's not fulfilling her legacy.
I now fully understand why I’ve gone through the experiences I’ve gone through and I know I will continue to evolve. This character arc and development has been painful yet enlightening. It’s my duty to live in my aunt’s honor, my family’s honor. And in the next chapters, I promise to fulfill that.
I will always love you Nita.
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