Winning the war

I love film. There is no doubt about that. What I love even more is watching something to where it hits me on a deeper level like never before. I love to be entrapped into a film or play so much that I feel like I am in their reality and that I can RELATE to whatever is going on.

This is also my goal as a writer and actress myself. I watch films not only to receive this for my soul, but to also be inspired to continue to create and to evoke those emotions into someone else.

On many occasions it's been life saving for some. We all know that music feeds our soul as well, but imagine watching an amazing story or picture that you can't take your mind off of. Maybe it can inspire you to do something that you thought you would never do.

I say all this to say, that this happened to me recently. If anything, it reminded me of my purpose and why I absolutely love what I do and that I will NEVER stop.

So last weekend I was catching up on binge watching Stranger Things Season 4. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I'm a fan of the show and I'd rate season 3 like a 7/10. I need to go back and watch the earlier seasons but I remember liking seasons 2 and 3 the most. But mannnnnn was I in for a surprise before I watched season 4.

I am going to try not to put in spoilers for the sake of the readers that have not yet seen the episode. I'll try and keep it brief (i'm not movie/show reviewer!)

This is episode 4 of the season and it is titled "Dear Billy." The monster Vecna has been continuing to terrorize the community, killing those left and right. There's something that his victims all have in common, and that is unresolved guilt and trauma. This monster feeds off of your deepest traumas and insecurities. It is what fuels him and keeps him alive. I mean it honestly sounds like one of the most negative and pure evil things you can think of.

Anyway, the latest victim is one of the main characters, Max. She never had real guidance growing up and was still dealing with survivor's guilt from what happened the year prior. Another monster from the upside down had possessed her brother and he ultimately died. Unfortunately they weren't the closest of siblings, but that didn't stop her from feeling how she felt.

Fast forward a year (and a season later), she is depressed and more withdrawn from her friends. She broke up with her boyfriend and has resulted to internalizing a lot of things. This is common for people that are depressed. I'll skip to the part to where the monster has now targeted her based off of her trauma. He KNOWS what she went through and infiltrates her reality, Freddy Kruger style in order to get close to her. This is what he does to his victims until finally it's showtime to where he gets fed their trauma and negativity, ultimately killing them.

He finally catches up to her and pulls her into this sort of hell that has been created by this creature and that she's created. She's trapped with no where to go and almost succumbing to this demon until her favorite song is heard and a light appears showing her friends trying to bring her back down to their reality, the real one where she is loved.

She starts crying and images flash in her head of her loved ones and good memories. Now I'll leave it at that because I don't want to give away the ending but It's safe to say that I can't get this image and scene out of my head for several reasons.

First of all, I've battled back and forth with depression, negative thoughts and questioning myself about everything. There was a point in my life to where I wondered what my purpose was for being here. Not in a suicidal sense but in a way that I wished I could disappear or go back in time to correct my mistakes. I wanted the impossible to happen for the present and it made me more depressed with feelings of guilt and regret.

Now, I look forward to the future and focus on what I CAN change from here on out. I am still present. I'm here now to excel, to create, to love, to prosper and to LIVE.

With that being said, 'keep running Max, keep running." This scene opened up a whole inspirational gateway for me. Not only for me but for whomever is reading this, you are here for a purpose. You are more than your past, any battles that you have faced. You're here to stay and you are loved. Don't stop running. Never stop.